My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I deserve this hangover.
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