my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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