Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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