You work out of a Hotel?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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