Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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