Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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