is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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