there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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