The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
