ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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