I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
