You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
