this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
