I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
