i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
