Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
