I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
