I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
