I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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