i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
