you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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