you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
