Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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