I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize