do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
