I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
