The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
