Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
