Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
