god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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