I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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