The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
