bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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