mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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