maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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