Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
