I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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