Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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