remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Say something about gay babies.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
