Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
