I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
