You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
two words...techno handjob
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
