toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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