so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
