I think I am morally bankrupt
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
