I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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