We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
