Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
