Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
