her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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