i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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