Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
