I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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