you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
