is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I pour the whiskey from now on
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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