Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
