I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
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He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
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I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
jump out the window naked night went bad
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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