i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
