We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
