Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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