Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
We named our party play list daddy issues
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
