Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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