I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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