No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
