i already hear my dad disowning me
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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