First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
