Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
