Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
