He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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