He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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