He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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