She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
