I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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