I think im going to throw up on grandma
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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