it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
