Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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