this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
