forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
